when i locked myself in the cubicle to cry, i seriously thought of flushing my head down the damn toilet bowl. i wanted it to flush down all the ugly memories i had of HIM. i was so pissed at my two-faced father. i never want to look at him in the eyes again. Why must he always caused me to feel anger and hatred towards him. what does he get out of this? tell me. i want to know.
yes, you got promoted. you want to host a party, you want people to enjoy it. but why must your wife and you daughter had to deal with your fking bullshit just because the guests were earlier than the host. i am glad deb came and hug me, letting me know that she was always there. i think while i was rubbing my eyes, my contact lens came out. So meanwhile i had to deal with one len.

when i came back and join them for dinner, i saw him laughing away, smiling like nothing happen just now. But what can i do? I just clutched my fists till it turned white, so white that i felt my hand was shaking. i tried not to think about it, i wanted to be happy, i wanted the world to know i don t give a damn about him anymore. I did. I laughed with deb, ate happily while cursing him throughout. i am full, but still always hungry for revenge.

i am sorry. i don t want to go to australia to study. i don t want to leave my mother alone with that beast. no, i am not a mummy's girl. i am just afraid something might happen when i am not there, not there for her. She 's so strong, she bear with his bullshit for so long but why haven t she shed a single tear? not like me, a useless weakling that can get tramped on so easily. sometimes i wish he could just die, leaving just my mother, kor and i. but how could i say such a thing? i do not know. i just know that i want to end this miserable life with HIM.

Dear Kor, i cried at the airport because i was afraid i could not handle him without you being here for me. I thought after you left, i will be all alone, handling him. I am so scared, ever so scared. I tried to be strong. But sorry, i just burst today, i was too sick of his nonsense.